Emotions are pouring out of my heart

Flowing through my veins

Every fiber in my body can feel your presence

You are so close

Yet you have never been so far

My heart reacts to you violently

Trying to jump out of my chest

Like a melody that is guiding me to you

I try to find your soul

My heart can’t be without you

I try to follow the rhythm

A little bit longer until our souls unite

Then….. my heart stops beating …..

Let me compare you to a summer day

Both you and the sun give me something

You give me warmth

That I can feel deep inside of my soul

You lift me up to a place where there is only color

When you smile at me, it is like a cool summer breeze

When you touch me,

It feels like the sun kissing my skin

And most of all, you brighten up my day

When I feel lost, you guide me home

You lead me to you

I found this poem somewhere and it really spoke to me. It made me think about my life and what to do with it. And I realized that I agree with this poem. That everything I ever did was worth it, it was worth living even if it was just a little. And that we shoudn’t take anything for granted. We should always be thankful for what we have. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

"life and death, energy and peace. if i stop today, it was still worth it. even the terrible mistakes that i have made, and would have unmade, if i could. the pains that have burned me and scarred my soul. it was worth it. for having been allowed to walk where i’ve walked.
which was to hell on earth
heaven on earth
back again
into
under
far in between
through it
in it
and above."
- gia carangi

xoxo

Do you ever sit and reminisce about the good old times? When you didn’t have any trouble. You could be just careless and free. There weren’t any responsibilities or problems you had to deal with. You could just do whatever you wanted without thinking about it. And the best part of it all was, you didn’t care a bit. You didn’t care about what people said or did. You just lived you life, laughed really hard and had a great time. All of those moments, when you felt infinite. It felt as if those days were going to last forever. As if the sun was always going to shine on you. Where you just fell in love so deep, without even thinking about it. And you were so happy, and couldn’t stop smiling. And there was a glow on your face, because you felt like you belonged.  Youth is like diamonds in the sky, and diamond are forever. Why are all these day gone? And where is the endless blue sky? And what happened to that permanent smile on my face? I guess I grew up. Sometimes I wish I could capture those moments, and bring them back. I miss being irresponsible.

Steeds als ik me wil uitten gaat het moeilijk. Iets houd me tegen. De woorden komen er niet uit. Misschien zijn er geen woorden voor. Ik wil het zeggen, ik wil het echt. Maar het is alsof er iets zwaars op mijn borst zit en er voor zorgt dat ik geen lucht krijg. Ik verstik in mijn eigen woorden. Ik ben een gevangene van ongesproken woorden. Elke keer wanneer ik denk dat het gaat lukken, lukt het niet. Ik wil het zeggen, ik wil het vragen, ik wil het doen. Maar elke dan stop ik weer. Gevangen van mijn eigen woorden. Ik heb het zelf gedaan. Ik ben degene die de macht heeft over mijn eigen gedachten. Maar soms lijkt het net alsof mijn gedachten mij de baas zijn. I’m a slave of mind. And a prisoner of words unspoken. Ik wil het wel, maar het gaat niet. Ik moet het zeggen, ik moet het van m’n hart. Maar m’n gedachten zeggen nee. Ze willen niet meewerken. Mijn ziel voelt opgesloten. In een kleine donkere kamer. En het voelt alsof ik er nooit meer uitkom. Zoals de woorden er niet uitkomen en mijn handen binden achter mij rug. Ik kan er niks aan doen. Dit is groter dan mij, niet in mijn handen. Tijd maakt het erger, tijd is de vijand. Elke dag die voorbij gaat zonder dat de woorden er uitvloeien, is een dag dat meer woorden zich opstapelen. Het wordt steeds meer en meer. Ik wacht op het einde. Ik wacht op het moment die moet gaan komen. Lang kan het niet duren, ik voel het. De explosie van woorden die smeken om vrijheid. Ik wacht op die dag. Maar tot dat moment ben ik een gevangen van mijn eigen woorden.

When love first begins it’s comparable to spring, it starts blooming into something beautiful. The flowers start appearing and transforming. So colourful and smelling like sweet candy.  Then summer comes and you feel like you never did before. The summerbreeze blows trough your hair, and the warmth of the sunbeams on your skin make you feel like you’re in paradise. You feel like you’re melting slowly. It’s like walking on clouds, sky high. Slowly floating trough air, and never coming down. 

Then the rain starts falling down and autumn blows cold wind in your face. The leaves on the trees starts falling down slowly. You start shivering because suddenly it’s cold.

Then the winter knocks at your door,  along with the snow and you freeze up. The rain never leaves. The clouds seem so thick, you wonder if they will ever leave.

You just have to remember that the sun will come tomorrow and the snow will melt. And warm up your skin once again. And you can taste the sweet essence of summer en feel the summerbreeze against your wings.

Even though I’m the one that got hurt, and even though the joke was on me,

you’re still the one I feel sorry for.

Because I may have made an foul out of myself, but I truly gave my everything.

Nut you give up on things to quikly. You think that things give up on you, but you’re wrong.

See, that act you put on is getting a bit old. I see trough it so easily. It’s when you feel sad, you act like you’re the happiest you’ve ever been. But when I look in your eyes, I see the disguise.

Covering up your problems won’t fix them. I’ve always told you that, but you still don’t asume it’s true.

Bad things always happen to people, really bad things. Things always go wrong in life but they happen for a reason. You’re not alone. People all around you go trough things, maybe not always as bad. But messed up stuff is always going to happen. But you have to learn to deal with these things. Life is always going to test your strenght. Only you can fix yourself.

Using your problems as an excuse is not the right way to deal with things. You can’t always blame it on other things. Pushing people away, blaming others, letting go on things ain’t the answer.

You need to find a way to deal with everything at a time, and not simple push it aside. Because that is not healthy and the things will just pile up and eventually the mountain you’ve built out of your problems will colapse on your head. And you’ll be stuck under the weight of your past. And you can’t do that, you don’t talk about stuff and just act tuff. But like I said, I see trough your act now. I feel your emotion, your pain, and that’s why you don’t let people get that close to you. Because one day they might leave. But you don’t see you’re the only one who is leaving.

So that’s why, even though it hurts me alot and I feel this emty space that won’t leave for a while, you’re the one I feel sorry for.

And I really hope you’ll be good and work it out. I hope you’ll find peace of mind. I hope you learn to accept yourself the way you are, because you are truly amazing.

How do I know if the path is worth taking

Have you ever felt lost

Lost in your mind, lost in emotion

Should I question every move I make or simply follow my heart

I only want to listen to what my heart has to say

With all that I’ve lost I don’t want to make the same mistakes

I want to make it right, get back

I need to set my heart right

Take those wrongs and turn then into right

Control my emotions and keep them alive

I need to find my soul, somewhere out there

Make it return to me

I need to find my joy, my reason of excistence

I build my world around it

I have to find the center of this maze

I want to get back

Find the rigth words to say

But the words come out complicated

I wish that my words were exactly what it takes

To bring the feeling back

I want to remove the distance

I just want you to be with me

Unconditionally

I want you to tell me don’t go

Because you’ll miss me so

I want you to look at me

And tell me what you see

What you feel

When you touch me

I want you to make me laugh

And love it when you see me smile

Wish you would tell me you miss my smile

Wish you would call me your baby

Tell me you’re crazy

About me and only me

And that I could’t see

Possibly how much emotions you had

And that it made you sad

If i ever left and went away

Wish you told me please stay

I need you I need your love

You’re the only one I want

No other girl comes close to you

No one makes me feel the way you do

That your love for me is sincere

And you don’t want it to just disapear

I’m sitting on clouds.

Dat gaat als volgt:

Eerst zorg je ervoor dat je behoorlijk verliefd wordt. Vervolgens zorg je dat die gene ook behoorlijk verliefd op jou wordt. En hoe je dat voor elkaar zou moeten krijgen weet ik ook niet, dat hoort vanzelf te gaan. (voor de mensen die nu denken van hmm ok hoe doe ik dat? NIET dwingen of STALKEN. Dat is namelijk strafbaar volgens de wet en er staat een straf op: een gevangenis straf van ten hoogste 3 jaren of een geldboete van de vierde categorie. En ja, ik studeer rechten)

Dus vervolgens als je in lalalalove bent en de ander ook infatuated (stapelverliefd) is dan ben je klaar voor de volgende stap. Nu ga er voor zorgen dat alles wat hij doet je aan het lachen maakt en dat je dus een lachkick krijgt. Vervolgens zal je merken dan je steeds lichter in je hoofd wordt. Je wordt dus so to speak high! Love gets you high. En dan na een tijdje zit je op wolken. Het voelt alsof je zweeft en nooit meer de grond zal raken. Alles om je heen smelt weg, er is alleen een jij en een hij of zij. Eigenlijk heb ik het gewoon over verliefd worden dus. Wanneer je nerveus wordt voordat je hem weer ziet of gaat spreken. En er vanzelf een glimlach op je gezicht verschijnt wanneer je hem ziet lachen. En wanneer er niks warmers bestaat dan zijn aanraking.